12:11 AM

Hey people, so here goes valentines day. anyway, i think this will be the last post before i go for a break. sometimes its laziness lah, but whatever it is, im gonna spill my whole ass out for this post. i'm going to sound whiny and whatever you wanna think, so if you cant take me then forget about reading.

Honestly, i've been feeling miserable miserable miserable. it could be a bad start to the year and everything, but it can well be the worst month i had to go through. there has been ups and downs during this time that i'll remember for life.


MISERABLE. perhaps i have been thinking too much about whats happening around me, the people and what they do.. i think what triggered everything would be valentines day. (THANKS VALENTINE FOR MAKING SUCH AN OVERRATED DAY) hours before the actual day, both sides of the relationship would be preparing for the day where LOVE becomes more special. (apparently) watching how each one of them put all their heart into the gifts and preparations kinda makes me feel depressed. wont it be awesome to see your other half smile and appreciate whatever you've done. all the couples holding hands on the streets, enjoying each other's company on valentines makes me understand how love can bring simple joy to either side. pity i havent been able to experience something that could blow me off. whenever i think about love and couples, the past has been something that haunts me. i've been stupid, giving up many things that i failed to cherish at that moment. all i have now is the pain that sleeps in me. there has been too many things and people that i failed to cherish in time, only left with the regret that will remain.

Constantly, i would let my mind run wild. thinking about my friends and all. my first month in SAJC has been darn good, though some people think otherwise. Thanks so much OG11 and 08S03. OG11 has been one of the best group of friends, as all of us had fun together during the first few weeks. it was great, more than great. S03 has also been the most fun 'mugger' class. whacky bunch of guys that never fail to make me laugh. the thought of everyone separating, or me leaving, really hurts. i know people come and go in this life, but its damn cruel if it keeps on repeating itself. All my friends in Chung cheng, i really miss every single one of you. whether is it 4DL, RAP, OUCH, CCHVB or my close friends, all of you never seem to make life dull for me. i really felt that i could have done better on my part, cherishing all of you when i still had the chance. but now everything has slowly changed, everyone is more involved in whatever they are doing. i'm afraid to lose everyone, but at the same time, somethings cant be helped. times in class, or at the street soccer court. out to the movies or just stoning somewhere and wasting time. i cant believe its all over. why has 4 years zoomed past without any warning. when we grow up, will we all still be in contact? will we walk past each other in the street and catch up on the old times, instead of just walking past without any acknowledgement? i dont know, i wouldn't dare to assume anything. but i know, if i ever see anyone of you, you wont be able to shrug me off so easily. another person that has been rly kind to me in my initial chungcheng life. yes my sis, i miss her rather badly too. i remember in the past during sec1, i would actually feel awkward when i see her in school and would be rather shy to wave to her. looking back i really feel quite stupid, why didnt i cherish anything either back then? im sorry to everyone of you. how i wish time could be turned back and i'll start everything afresh now. probably you guys might like me more.

Perhaps all of this is unnecessary, its just that i'm thinking too much. sometimes i would have this feeling, have you all forgotten me? maybe i'm not as significant as others might be. having 'hi,bye' friends dont mean anything. why am i not as able to connect to others, as some people around me are? sometimes i'm really envious of their social ablilities. but anyway, i suppose i have all the close friends i need. just dont forget me alright.
Screw JC life.


Thanks for everything, Lord.
OUT FOR SOME TIME.
SEX.

Friday, February 15, 2008
rocked.