i thought maybe after some time, all scars would fade to nothingness.. i guess i have not been practicing what i have been preaching at all. i thought that, maybe it would be easier to give up since there is no motivation. i thought maybe, if it was mutual, i won't ever give up or stop first, because i know that i have taken this risk in the very first place, and that i won't give up. well, i guess that what i have been thinking was not right. i won't face reality at all, i won't give up or let go. this is foolish. but however i still hang on tightly to it.. perhaps hanging on tightly won't do any help to anyone. there are many trees in the forest, why hog one?.. it won't do any good for anyone.. i still can't bear to give it up.. i guess no other tree can capture my heart the same way.. but.. i don't wan to be a burden to anyone.. sigh. reality is just too hard to face.. i guess this is how love is.. this is how it hurts, so badly.. worse than anything else in the whole world.. perhaps this is all just my imagination.. i guess i can never forget you.. i just cannot get you out of my mind.. i've been thinking for a long time, and i don't mind, as long as i can have you by my side.. but this is all my wishful thinking i guess.. i didn't learn to cherish or treasure you, only until the time i lose you, is the time that i realise it could have been the biggest mistake of my life.. i cannot sleep well at all.. whenever i close my eyes, i see you.. i need you badly back in my life.. i dun find any meaning anymore.. but.. however painful it is.. i know i can never get you back again..
Monday, October 31, 2005